Its much easier to date men of my own race over any other. Why? For several reasons.
- We have more in common. Guys with a similar cultural background and upbringing most often means we’ll share the same values & morals.
- Asian guys are more attractive. Well, that’s my personal taste (although the good looking ones are hard to find).
- Higher comfort level. I can be more of myself around those of the same race. Sometimes I don’t have to explain myself and they understand and know where I’m coming from. There won’t be any cultural misunderstandings.
- The prevalence of non-Asian guys with Yellow Fever. Most guys that approach me make some statement about my ethnicity. I often have doubts that they will see beyond my Asianess.
WAIT, WHAT IS YELLOW FEVER?
Here’s a recap for those that don’t know. According to UrbanDictionary, the definition for yellow fever is as follows:
1. yellow fever
772 up, 176 down
Synonyms: Asian Fetish, Asiaphilia.
Vickie Chang wrote an article in the Village Voice describing Yellow Fever from the perspective of Asian women (props to Ed from Bitter Asian Men who found this article). She sums up exactly how I feel:
Asiaphilia brings with it a set of more intimate considerations. I get to wonder if the man chatting me up is genuinely interested in me or interested in the idea of what he supposes me to be: demure and submissive, the forever-faithful geisha girl/bedroom toy.
Now, I know there are exceptions–non-Asian guy friends who do get to genuinely know you and may end up really liking you. But I’m talking about guys you just meet or are approached by. Guys you don’t know at all.
I’ve gotten so many different comments from these kinds of guys. Most often they’ll state how they find Asians attractive. Other times, they’ll inquire about my ethnicity.
“Where are you from?” they’ll ask.
“New Jersey.”
“No, where are you really from?”
“I’m American.”
And yes, I can’t hide the fact that I’m Chinese. But I always have these underlying doubts. I automatically assume that if a non-Asian guy approaches me, they must have a case of Yellow Fever. Is this wrong?
Most of these doubts have formed based on my upbringing and past experience. I feel that few non-Asian guys do take notice of me. I’m originally from a small, mostly Italian populated white town. Just about me and my family make up the Asian population. Minorities are a tiny, tiny percentage. Growing up in this community, I felt ugly. I never got the attention from other guys. But once I moved out to Boston, where there is a decent Asian community, I felt prettier and more comfortable in my own skin. I get more attention and comments saying “so and so thinks you’re pretty” which makes me feel validated and accepted only within my own race. The perception of beauty differs according to different cultures. I don’t feel attractive to other races without the Asian exotic factor in play. They’re intertwined and can’t be separated.
And this is why it’s harder to date outside of my race. It makes sense to make these assumptions.
What do you think? Can you simply separate race from physical attractiveness without being biased?
You’re very honest and aware of your feelings and opinions being affected by your upbringing so I see nothing wrong with anything you’ve written. I’m adopted. I share the same cultural and familial upbringing as any other Dane (I’m Danish, adopted from Thailand). Until I met my husband and even when we first dated, I’ve always been aware that men see an Asian first. On the other hand, having a similar cultural background is very important to my sense of security and comfort so I have always found it worth putting up with the initial awkwardness of just being seen as some Asian until my fellow Danish male companion saw me for who I am. I generally feel ugly, I feel that I’m only attractive to people who are attracted to a perceived exotic quality in me. I’m as Danish as them meaning as Danish as your next white Dane. My adoptive dad’s American, I’ve lived in an area with a high Asian percentage but as soon as Asians discover that I don’t share their cultural and familial background or indeed any Asian cultural or familial background (I’m aware that the term Asian is very general and marginalizing) they shun me and I become yet another “banana” to them. I’m not making any excuses for what I am though and I wouldn’t want to be any other way than the only way I know which is a Dane who happens to look Asian or more correctly Paleo Malay of Thai birth origin and who happens to have a white American dad but that doesn’t make me American either.
Ummm.. Well, I’m African-American and I’m obsessed with Asian stuff, history, culture and GIRLS (WOMEN). Like… Idk, why but I am. I do like them because they’re exotic or look so. Idk what people mean when they like them because they’re submissive or they like them as sex toys or w.e. I don’t like girls for either of those. Since I was young I’ve always been obsessed with Asian pop-culture (J-Pop, Anime, FOOD, etc.) and I just kind of naturally fell in love with Asian girls. Because when you’re a kid you’re into toys and games but when you get older you’re into girls (lol, i still like toys and games)so it kind of just carried over. And me I like exotic and foreign things and people anyways, no matter what’s their race, because I’ve always loved History and different cultures and languages. It just happens the most interesting to me is Asian. I have no stereotypes about Asian girls and it’s not just some sex drive. I just love Asian. I think one day I’ll turn Asian, LOL
To be honest with you, I’ve embraced the fact that people ask me where I’m from because I make them aware that they are being overtly racist. My philosophy is if anyone takes any time to get to know me, they’ll soon find out that I’m of Korean ethnicity–though my own personal character reflects a midwestern American.
I’ve dated Caucasian males typically. I know most of them do have liking or adopt a liking to “exotic” women. I have been with men who say they see past it or just don’t notice it at all.
I’m not very discriminate — I find men of all races attractive. I wouldn’t really discriminate with race–its more personality that turns me on.
But, I think for me, the goal is just to make sure people are aware that bringing up color at all is just racism period.